Wednesday, 24 October 2007
Gulp... The Bloggers Banquet!!!! What will I cook?? Oh my Goddess!!! I'm totally like cooking for people likes Ed and Elliot and Sticki. Cripes!! They'll find out I'm a fraud! Who am I to think I can cook?? I'm just a fat, middle aged suburban mum! This is too much!I'll fail. They'll hate my food. They'll hate me! What the hell am I going to cook for REAL foodies and gastronauts? Umm... is it too late to find a wow-them recipe that DOES include larks vomit? I bet people like them eat it all the time. On toast. For breakfast. With foie gras.
Maybe I can beg off? Nah.. I want to go.. but... but... what do I bring??
I bet they'll all be bringing things like organic truffled scallops stuffed with baby goat glands, served on antique china.
China!!! I need new serving platters!!! I can't serve ANYTHING on my crappy old plates. They'll laugh. Maybe KMH can send me some stuff. SHE'D know what REAL COOKS serve on.
Here's an idea. I'll get Shira Nui to do me up a sushi platter and pass it off as mu own. No, I'd never do that.
Quick! I have to start making better food. My food is crap. I am a failure in the kitchen. No-one is going to like my food. Oh! How did I ever get myself into this?? I'm throwing out the strog I made for dinner. I need time to experiment. Quick!! Race up to Safeway and get me some imported carbon neutral organic Non GM pigeon spleens. And a new mandolin slicer. This one is crap. I need to practice making real food.
No!!! No!!! Not pigeon spleens, WHALE MEAT!!! I bet no-one knows anything about Icelandic food!!!! THAT'S IT!!! I'll get a cuisine no-one knows anything about and pass myself off as an expert. That way no-one will know what a complete fraud I am!!
I am brilliant!!!
Whale meat with... with... umm.... Icelandic Vodka. Furry, pop by Dan Murphy's after you get the whale blubber from Coles, ok?? And some juniper berries. They're pretty "icelandic" aren't they??
You think I can get some yak's testicles to go with that?? THAT would really impress them!!!
And I'll serve it in individual bowls hollowed out from reindeer antlers!!!
Furry??? FURRY!!!!??? Where's your lathe??