I am an oyster snob.

We all know a noisy noise annoys an oyster. Ok. maybe YOU don't, but I have been waiting for MONTHS to use that.

Ok.. moving right along.

**ahem**

Oysters. Up until this past holiday, I thought they were preety much like wine, or art. All the nuance was in the eye... or in this case, the mouth of the beholder. Or the eater.

Whatever.

Recently, on our trip to Merim-Bueller, we got to taste a whole range of the local seafood. Which included the local oysters. I can guarantee these were as fresh as you are ever likely to get, as we saw them harvested and shucked directly in front of us.

And sadly, I was expecting ambrosia and all I got was "Meh" **insert Jewish Bubbu shoulder shrug**

Really, the damn things didn't taste any different from the oysters I get at my suppliers back in Melbourne.

They were nice, don't get me wrong, and cheap.. $10 a doz, but they sadly left me totally underwhelmed. After the Bruny Bay oysters I tasted at last years Slow Food Fest, the difference was palpable. Rather than plump, succulent morsels bursting with briney goodness, these were just flat. Flat as in not plump in shape, or flavour. Rather than a bold whack-in-the-face taste of the sea, this was a flat, pale imitation.

A real disappointment.

However, the region's seafood rep redeemed itself with the local Eden mussels, which I had served at The Aquarium Wharf Restaurant, in Merimbula. The reverse of the above. I had seen them at the Fisherman's co-op in Eden for $11 a kg, which was rather pricey when I can get Melbourne mussels for $2 a kg in season.

Newp. These mussels are larger and fuller flavoured than my local ones. While the Merimbula oysters were flat, these mussels were plump and luscious. More so than any other mussel I've ever tried. The Wharf Restaurant served them steamed in an Asian "soup" of Tiger beer, coconut milk, galangal, coriander and chilli. This dish was a first place tie for Best Lunch of the Tour, along with the open steak sandwich at Rockpool (at the Merimbula Bowls Club!).

Not only was the food outstanding, the view from the wharf restaurant was spectacular! Our waitress was teeling us that the previous week, they'd had whales frolicking just off the restaurant, but alas, none graced us with their presence that day.

"'The time has come!', the Walrus said..."

“O, Oysters, come and walk with us!”

The Walrus did beseech.
“A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each.”

The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head—
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.

But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat-
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn’t any feet.

(From "The Walrus and the Carpenter", Lewis Carroll)

Oysters natural, freshly shucked and served with lemon
from
Ceduna oysters,
from Oysters aRe Us,
2/3 Dunlop Road,
Mulgrave,
ph: 9545 1333

Further to our newly established "date night" with our friends Joon and George, last night George warily acceded to Furry's request for 4 doz oysters. No, that's NOT a typo. FOUR. DOZEN. OYSTERS.

It's not so bad when you break it down and realise that it's only a doz each.

Just a snack, really.

I put up a shout out over at Chowhound, and got some really good ideas. . Broiled Oyster with Arugula Puree and Champagne Sabayon, Oysters Bienville, and many votes for simply au natural.

My ideas were pooh-poohed by my guests... it's traditional they wanted, so traditional they got.

Oysters done Mornay style. Meredith Dairy marinated goats cheese used.

And again...

pg's oysters with an Asian twist. freshly shucked Ceduna oysters, with terryaki, lime juice and crispy fried shallots.

The classic Oysters Kilpatrick

My fave? Surprisingly, the mornay. It's been about 20 years since I had an oyster mornay, but I think the use of the marinated goats cheese lifted it from the boring 80's dish I remember, to something creamy and sublime. Least fave? The Asian twist. I think I was a bit heavy handed with the terryaki sauce and it overpowered the delicacy of the oyster. The fried shallots were a nice textural component, though. I'd do it again with more lime, less terryaki next time. Furry is off to the supplier to find out more today... ask those pesky SOLE questions and all of that. I will report back what he finds! Stand by for next week's Date Night.

Slow Food Festival (part 1)

Slow Food Festival.
Birrarung Marr.

Bruny Island "Get Shucked Oyster Farm" Stall.

“He was a bold man that first ate an oyster”

(Johnathon Swift, listed as a cliché In “Polite Conversation”)

Yes, he was bold, that man, but he was also a bloody legend! If it weren't for him (or her) we'd not be able to sample these plump, lusious and, let's face it.. deeply sexual delights.

Yesterday, Furry and I trooped of to the Melbourne Slow Food Festival, and we arrived early enough that the crowds were still thin. Our first port-of -call was the Get Shucked Oyster Farm
stall from Tasmania's Bruny Island.

There was a lovely young man behing the jump shucking oysters for Africa! His knife skills rivaled Bourdain's!

Now, for those of you who are already afficionados of the raw oyster, I ask you to bear with me. For those of you who have never tasted them, here's what they are like:

Sweet salty morsels bursting with a taste of salt wind by the beach on a summer day all wrapped up in a icy cold buttery salty fleshy plump labia.

On the half shell.

With a squeeze of lemon.

There are oysters and then there are BRUNY ISLAND oysters. And like Cold Duck Spumante and Verve Cliquot. there is a vast range of difference.

THESE are the real deal, the real McCoy.

And sitting on the banks of the Yarra, listening to the sussuration of the oars of the Wesley rowers, under the shade of an iconic Plane tree, eating these delights from their shells, pressing their plump bodies against the roof of my mouth and pretty much experiencing the ultimate taste orgasm, it was all I could do not to rip my bodice asunder and allow Furry to ravish me.

Instead, I opted for hurling back into the gathering fray and try something else.