Only in Lae.

As part of mission to de-mystify Lae and its environs to you, I bring you an email sent to all Lae Golf Club Members this week.

The email sent out to the Golf Club Members yesterday -

ATTENTION MEMBERS:

DUE TO THE CONTINUED ABUSE OF THE CADDY RULES BY CERTAIN MEMBERS AND IN AN EFFORT TO STOP THE INCREASE IN THE THEFT OF MEMBERS PERSONAL PROPERTY, THE COMMITTEE HAS FOUND IT NECESSARY TO APPLY THE FOLLOWING:-

ANY MEMBER FOUND TO BE ABUSING THE CADDY RULES WILL BE INELIGIBLE FOR THAT DAY’S COMPETITION.

THE RULES ARE IN PLACE FOR THE PROTECTION OF MEMBERS & THEIR PROPERTY & GOLF CLUB PROPERTY!

THE RULES ARE:-

• NO OUTSIDE CADDIES

• NO CADDIES TALLER THAN THE BAR

• CADDIES MUST BE HIRED FROM THE CADDY SHED

• CADDIES MUST WEAR CADDY BIB.


THIS IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF ALL PLAYING MEMBERS!

THE COMMITTEE

So, because this is Lae, there was no small amount of confusion. I mean, I drink at the bar at the Golf Club, it's a high bar, about mid chest height on me. So does that mean I have to source midget caddies? Why does this rule even exist? It is racist? size-ists? How is only having midget caddies going to help stop theft? Again with the size-ist stuff. Tall caddies steal JUST as much stuff as shorter ones. And honestly, where am I going to find a drooling, inside, midget caddy at THIS short notice, for this afternoon's 2BBB Stableford?

And I thought it was Caddy Shack?

Just as I was about to rally a union for height-challenged golf caddies, and march them through the streets of Lae, chanting "We Will Not Be Moved", my getting-my-Jimmy-Hoffa-on came to a grinding halt.

Within minutes of the first email, this follow-up one was recieved by members.

Pls see attached, the bar referred to is not the drinking bar, but a height bar fixed in the ground outside the caddy shack as a height restriction for caddies. The caddy masta carries a cane.

Damn, need to find another cause to rock on with my Hugo... errr... Caesar Chavez self.