Hello, I'm pg and I'm a...

phaffer.

I come from a long line of phaffers. My Mum's a phaffer, my father was a world-class phaffer, and I fear my children have inherited the phaff gene.

So, I'm home from work, I've completed my nighly phaff (clean the kitchen in prep for starting dinner, put on load of washing, answer personal emails), I've got me a brandy and dry, to ease me into the weekend, and as one does, a goddess' thoughts turn to dinner.

Here's what's happening on the stove right now:

 

Not a bad action shot, hey? Further to my impening move to Saudi Arabia, I've sprinkled them with a mix of Rasa al'Hanout. I'm thinking of mandhi smoking them, once they've melted a bit.

And in true phaffer style, I'm not too sure where I am going with this, but I'll let you know.

Addendum:

In true phaffer style, I took inspiraion from last weeks broad bean bruscetta, and created this:

See, that's what phaffing is all about. It's opening the 'fridge half a dozen times and weighing up how well saganaki would fo with broadbeans. It'd about starting off with a Middle Easten profile and the realising that the last of the shredded smoked chicken would  totally work with that! It's about World's Best Son, the Lima Bean sniffing and tasting and choosing to add some smoked sea salt and fennel.

And while phaff-style cooking doesn't always work, and is NOT for the faint-hearted, when it comes together, as last nights "smoked chicken, broadbean, saganaki and slow roasted tomato bruscetta" did, it's worth it!

I can haz....

iqama?

YES I CAN HAZ IQAMA!!!!!

Dubai, my love, Dubai...

Dubai Airport. Looks nice, doesn't it? You could cheerfully spend a couple of hours wandering around, sniffing out stuff, don't you think?

This is where Furry just spent nearly 30 hours.

The gig with Emirates is, that if you have a long layover in Dubai, you get a hotel room.

Which Furry did. Where he had a shower and slept and Skyped me and shook off some jet lag. There was a small issue with his meds, the customs officials weren't keen on letting him out of the airport with 20kgs of cardiac/diabetes medications, so they held them over while he had his layover snooze.

Pretty simple, eh?

Well.. no.

Like EVERYTHING in my husband's life, NOTHING is simple.

He got the the airport 3 hours ahead of his scheduled departure. Was given a bum steer on directions to get his bag of meds,  spent nearly an hour finding and them finally retrieving said meds.

All good so far.

So, on his way from customs to the departure gate for his flight to Riyadh, he asked an airport security guard for directions. And said guard most politely gave those directions, swipe his access card, and let Furry out of the terminal, with the instructions: "Walk up here, around the corner, and through the door on the right"

Again, all good so far....

Until..

He attempted to re-enter the terminal at said "door on the right", to discover, he'd left the security of customs and immigration, and was now OUTSIDE with 20kgs of meds in a bag.

Not cool.

Customs officers took him to a "special" room where, thankfully, all the paperwork in triplicate was in order.

But.... there was still a language barrier that was not that easy to cross.

After repeatedly describing the contents of the case as "medicine" and pointing to his heart and saying "tablets".. tapping his wrist and saying "blood tablets" he uttered the OTHER word to describe the contents of said case:

"drugs"

And that, dear reader, is when things went South.

From here, he was taken to an even more "special" room, where he was strip-searched and drug swabbed.

And all he could think of was that he'd borrowed the suitcase from our darling friend Peakie, who had recently been to Bali.

Apparently his happy-place mantra while he was being "probed" was:

"Please don't have let her walk past some random person smoking a joint, whose smoke got on her t-shirt that was stored in the case"

So, needless to say, he missed his connecting flight to Riyadh, and after (most apologetically) being given drug-free clearance, was told NOT to leave the airport for any reason whatsoever.

Oh, and by the way, the next flight to Riyadh isn't for another 26 hours.

So, I can tell you, Dubai airport is a WONDERFUL place, unless you are a sleep deprived, recently-probed, unfairly accused drug mule who has to spend 24(ish) hours sitting in a plastic hair and eating airport food.

And, in closing, for all you international travelers who may suffer from diabetes,

Januvia, apparently, looks like Ecstasy.

He's gone.

Ok, it's now official. He's moved to Saudi.

For the past three months, we had nothing.. nada.... to hang our hats on. While all this talk of "moving to Saudi" has been the focus for us, the reality has been that nothing's been in writing.. in reality we hadn't actually had a "real" job.

The contract was signed was dependant upon the visa, which was dependant upon the medical which was dependant on the whims and vagaries of the Saudi Consulate... which at one stage rejected the visa..

On the grounds that their own paperwork was out-of-date.

And while he's in the air, winging his way to Dubai, we're still far from home and hosed.

His actual employment.. that thing he does that will earn us money.. will be dependant on FURTHER "requirement" being met once he hits the ground in Riyadh.

The issuing of his iqama.

Everything hinges on that.

So, while I dropped him off at the airport last night, and we're all full of the hope and possibility of this new life.. we do have a small way to go yet before he is officially "employed"

Still, that meant nawt last night when I had to do the kerbside drop, knowing it could be MONTHS before I see him again.

And in true Instant Kharma fashion, I turned on the radio to cover my sobbing on the way home.

Did I get "Bohemian Rhapsody"?

Did I get "Tainted Love"?

Did I "Too Drunk to F**CK", or some other uplifting, quirky and funky mindless 80's one hit wonder to whom I could have sung away my tears?

No.

My drive home playlist consisted of:

Lou Reed's "Dirty Boulevard" ("fly, fly away...")
Hunter's and Collectors "When the Rivers Run Dry" ("You got nothin' but your soul to sell, you got nothin')
Foo Fighters "Next Year" (pretty much the whole damn song")
Nickleback "Far AwaY" ("I keep dreaming that you'll be with me and you'll never go")

I swear I was waiting for REM's "Everybody Hurts" to come on and suck my soul dry.

"Nothing Compares 2U" would have made me punch myself in the throat.

So, today, I sit at work, with eyes like a sad panda with hay fever AND conjunctivitis, counting down the minutes until he lands and we can skype. I'm like a 16 year old waiting for the phone to ring.

If I start doodling  hearts over my i's and writing "Mrs Lee 4 evah" in cursive script on my pencil case, you have my permission to kill me.

Lost.

This is the coat of arms of Saudi Arabia.. the place I am planning to move to sometime in the next few months. We've expatted before.. the last time to PNG. Where, and I kid you not, you jump on a plane with your Aussie passport and turn up at Port Moresby airport, wherein you ask the customs man "May I buy a visa, please?". You hand over 100K (that's Kina, not short hand for thousand) and off you go. In fact, they are so laissez-faire about it, that on my first trip up there, they didn't have change, so HAND WROTE IN MY PASSPORT.. "Please buy one on the way out".



I kid you not.



So we were HORRIBLY unprepared for the lengthy hell that is the Saudi visa process. Furry was offered the job, signed the contract more than 3 weeks ago, and to date, we STILL don't have a date for him leaving.



Our paperwork has yet to be submitted to the Embassy.



We've spent the past 3 weeks collecting various bits of information about ourselves to submit for perusal by the Saudi Embassy, who will then decide whether we are fit to enter The Kingdom. Then and only then, will the employment contract become binding. So, right as of now, we're still no better off than we were a month ago.

**sigh**

So far we have had to provide chest x-rays, blood tests, urine and stool samples, original documentation of qualifications, prove our HIV/AIDS status (which will be re-tested again once we enter Saudi, just in case ). We've been tested for bilharziasis, had malaria screens, had our eyes, our ears, our stomachs poked and prodded. I've been fitted for and bought my first abaya (being 5ft 9 was a bit of a problem, cos with the abaya it's ALL about the length)

And all just to get in to The Kingdom.

Friends I have made on various Saudi forums tell me this is par for the course, but it's driving me batty.

And we STILL haven't received the requisite paperwork from Saudi to even begin to submit all of the above to the Embassy.

And now that Furry's generic blood screen has thrown up some odd LFT's. we have to get a 2nd opinion from an heptologist as to why. (Don't sweat it, its all elevated because of his cholesterol meds!)

Meanwhile, we're packing up GW and plan to rent it out ($400 pw, if you know anyone) and are re-housing the pups (again, if you know anyone...)

So, if you wonder why there has been so little activity here, that's why. I am lost in the ongoing and never-ending hell that is organising a Saudi visa.

Hopefully, soon, I'll be back posting more on my ongoing learning journey to master Saudi food!

Oh, and I can't possibly post here without some reference to food, so:

Did you know that nutmeg is illegal in Saudi as it is considered an aphrodisiac?

Mandhi cooking

Further to our Saudi odyssey, I am exploring Saudi food right now. When some people move to foreign climes, they learn rthe language. Me? I learn the food. I have got Khabsa coming along, so it was time for me to turn my hand to Mandhi. Mandi is usually cooked in a pit in the ground, but that's a wee bit difficult in the 'burbs.

Noor, over at Ya Salam (which means "Oh, WOW!" in Arabic)) has an awesome smoking technique that adds the most amazing depth to the dish.

1 chicken cut into 4 pieces or 1 lamb fillet/backstrap
2 tablespoons Manhdi spice mix (2 tablespoons cardamon pods, 2 tablespoons cloves, 1 whole nutmeg, 1 tablespoon fresh ginger, 4 bay leaves, processed to a fine crumb in a coffee grinder)
1 teaspoon salt

1. Rub spice and salt all over meat. Allow to sit for 30 mins and then bake in a hot oven until chicken is cooked or lamb done to medium rare.

1-1/2 cups basmati rice
1 tablespoon butter
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 small tomato, finely chopped and removes all the seed
1 cinnamon quill
4 whole cloves
6 black peppercorns
3 cups chicken stock (or just enough that about an inch is above the rice)

2. Next, Saute onion with butter until tender and brown, add whole spices, salt, rice, water, stir, boil then add chopped tomato, simmer cover, cook on a very low heat for 20 minutes.

3. After the meat and rice is cooked, arrange meat on top of rice and smoke.




You need to watch Noor's video to get the smoking technique! It's awesome!

Everything I know about life, I learned from Ferris Bueller

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. —
Ferris Bueller

For those of you who haven't heard. Furry got the job in Saudi Arabia. Got home from Dubai on Friday with nothing on the table. Got an email from a PNG contact on Friday afternoon. WAS flying out to take up the PNG role on Monday, but got an offer from Saudi on Sunday.

"When Cameron was in Egypt's land...let my Cameron go" - Cameron Frye

And while it's not quite Egypt's land, it's pretty freakin close to it! So far my research has thrown up the way to survive Saudi is to get out often, and the money they're offering makes that so very doable. There are four-wheel drive tours into Qatar, cheap flights to Cairo or Rome, all sorts of things to do.

"My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious."- Simone

The serious stuff is pretty damn serious. Gender segregation, wearing abayas, living under Sharia law. Nothing to be sneezed at, but everyone we know whose been there says that the biggest threat is the boredom. Compound living makes the transition somewhat easier, and while Furry's working away, I'll do what I do best.. and that's network.

"The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude".- Grace.

I've already got myself invited to a coffee morning, and have several numbers for my new Saudi phone, when I get it. For me to survive over there, I need to have people to play with. And just like our time in PNG, I've already made contact with some other wives over there. And at the end of the day, we're not the first wide-eyed Westerners to do it. If other people have gone to Saudi and survived, we can do it, to.

"Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people. " - Ferris Bueller

I was a bit worried about not being able to drive, until I realised that in Saudi they drive on the US side of the road. Bugger that.. I'll have me a driver, thanks, or take the compound bus. After 2 weeks in Florida, driving on the other side of the road, my head hurt. And that was just as a passenger. The Sharia law is also a worry, but I promise you all, that I won't get deported for distributing feminist literature. There's too much at stake here. And JUST like PNG, we're going to think globally and act locally. Of we can affect empowerment in one single other human being, then we've done out job. And one needs to move away from the First World-centric notion of empowerment for that statement to make sense.

Look, to all my nay-sayers.. and there ARE a few of them, it's a BIG move.. big in all sorts of ways. Culturally, economically, spiritually... but the rewards are so very worth it. Financial freedom by 50. Getting to experience one of the great cultures of the world, being within 5 hours of Europe. And the food.. Man, I am going to be living near a spice souk!! All that Kabsa I can poke down with a stick! Weekends in Dubai. And what my nay-sayers have to remember is that Furry and I are FAR from idiots. We've done our ground work, we've spoken to people with hands-on experience in Saudi... specifically Riyadh.. we're aware of the issues, both good and bad, and as adults, we're making an informed, rational and educated choice.

Oh, and Nurses over there are in HUGE demand and earn a freakin MINT!! Hello, a week long holiday in a villa in Tuscany. Hello, a garden tour of Lucca! Hello, a week in an Algarve B&B

"Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive. " - Ferris Bueller.

So, my dear readers, very soon, AGITK will be coming to you LIVE from Saudi! Stand by for further adventures!