Would you like some slightly furtive pornography with that?

I am far from prudish. There are not that many people in the South East suburbs of Melbourne who haven't seen the tattoo encircling my left breast. Maybe my boss and an aged Auntie or two. But last night, while watching The Simpson's with my son, The Lima Bean, I found myself doing a double take at the above video.

For the record I loathe KFC, and not just because I am a grumpy, middle aged hippy with localvore tendencies.

It's because it's crap.

So, back to the ad. It is just me, or is there something slightly pornographic about it? Admittedly, I have seen almost no porn. I once watched about 30 seconds of a John Holmes film entitled "Nasty Nurses" until I became distressed at the sight of Mr Holmes wrestling with what was obviously a large African Conga eel that was attempting a proctological exam on a Nurse. The Nurse was obviously on her way to a showing of "Rocky Horror" after her shift, as she was wearing fishnets and suspenders, making it all the more difficult for her to fend of said Conga eel.

God Bless you, Mr Holmes, for your valiant efforts.

But I digress.

So, there was myself and The Lima Bean watching some nubile young things writhe and lick and suck and moan and generally gettin' their swerve on with something called a KFC Crush. Seriously. Pause the vid at 5 seconds. Between shots of the guy welcoming a face/mouthful of creamy liquid. What the HELL is that tongue doing??!!??

I remember back to when I was about 14 and ads for "feminine products" made their way onto Prime Time telly. My beloved, much adored, late father who was positively Puritan in outlook would get all twitchy when Modess ads came on. There we'd be, watching Hawaii 5-0 on a Sat night, with our Drops On The Rocks and lemonade, and waiting for the ubiquitous "Book 'em Danno" line, when an ad featuring sphagnum moss and some blue liquid in a beaker came on.

There would be an immediate drop in pressure in the room, while we either waited the ad out, or one of us thought of something witty and non-menstrual to say.

So there we were, my 17 y/o son and I, pretty much glued to the telly, wondering how the fuck we'd ended up on a cable porn chanel, when we don't even HAVE cable in the house.

So I resorted to out family's stand-by in uncomfortable circumstances and said:

"So, how IS the study for your Lit exam coming along?"

And you know what? I have NO idea what the damn thing was advertising. Can anyone enlighten me?