Neo-Classical Batch food.

Regular readers will have heard me allude to Furry's style of cooking BPG (before purple goddess) and APG (afte... oh, FFS, you work it out). His BPG was characterised by "Batch food", meaning anything that could be whipped up whilst hungover, on shore leave, with a random hook up passed out on your couch. It usually involves a can of Stagg beans and a microwave. At its best, batch food can be hearty, uncomplicated and stick-to-yer ribs.

At worst, it ends up leaving you nostalgically longing for the out-of-stomach experience of Bali Belly

Furry's batch (short for "Bachelor") repertoire consists of wraps, rolls, deep-fried things, deep fried things with cheese and bacon.

LOTS of bacon.

He also has his APG repertoire. which has been oft chronicled here.

But it's his neo-batch food I was craving this weekend.

We've done 4 months off the fags. The weight gain has stabilised. We've been exercising a little more and eating a whole lot better. Out alcohol consumption is waaaaaay down, and we're finally feeling the benefits of giving up the coffin nails.

So this Sat night, I had a hankering for nachos. And Furry has combined the best of his BPG and APG skills to make a mean nachos. It is part of his repertoire I like to call is Neo Classical Batch food.

It's batch food that's been pg-ised. Once upon a time, it would have been Doritos, Ole El Paso salsa and Chris' "avocado" dip, but these days he uses organic corn chips (he once did it with the blue corn disks and that was AWESOME!!), makes his own carne mix (mince, red kidney beans, chopped tomatoes, Tabasco, garlic, ginger, onion slow stewed for hours), his own salsa (this time, tiny wee baby tomatoes, halved, with Vietnamese mint and lime juice) and his own guac (avo, sour cream and lime juice)

So a lazy Sat night, down at Chez Fur, with my gorgeous hubbie, some comforting batch food, and a beer.

But here's the thing. Like all wild beasts that have been tamed, his veneer of civility is thin, and lurking beneath that Eastern Suburbs, MCG tie-wearing facade, is the same Furry who fished with det cord, spent 16 years in the wilderness of the Western Suburbs, can fart on command and who once streaked (stroked?) drunk down the front straight at the Turrumburry race meet.

How do I know this?



Dinner was served using a paint scraper.

Fear and Self-loathing in SpringVegas.

THIS is what is sitting in my 'fridge, for my lunch today. Pretty hot, hey?? Pretty sexy?? Pretty me.. you know, the whole fresh/local/SOLE/Asian with a twist thing that pg does so well. Yup. It's perfect, and given that Furry and I are trying to lose weight, perfect on the fat/lo cal front too.



See, here's the thing. I can't work out WHY I am hating myself at this weight so much. The very fact I am experiencing self-loathing for the very first time, at 44 is weird.

At school, I was the odd girl out. I was the only one that DIDN'T have an eating disorder. I managed to avoid the teen age angst of yo-yo diets and Israeli Army lunch boxes. I ate whatever I pleased and stayed the same size (9st 2oz).

Then I had my children. And over the course of 5 years, I doubled my weight. But I had discovered feminism by that stage, and so the weight gain bothered me on a health level, but certainly NEVER on a physical "I repulse myself/ I am not attractive/ my husband won't like me" level.

My husband at the time actually DIDN'T like me, but that a whole 'nother post!

I gave up the 2 a night wine, and cut out sugar in my coffee and within months, was at a healthy weight range (AUS size 12), which I maintained with no effort until the day my daughter started high school. I was wearing her size 12 jeans that day.

That was years ago. And in the interim, I've been divorced, re-married, turned 30.. turned 40. I navigated my daughter through her own minefield of adolescence and PCOS. And yes, my weight has fluctuated but never once did I experience anything like the self hatred I am going through at the moment.

I AM PHYSICALLY DISGUSTED WITH MY BODY.

I feel like I went to bed some time last October (the month I gave up smoking) and woke up being anally probed by fat-firing alien gamma beams.

No matter what I eat, I continue to put on weight. I can feel myself physically spreading before mein very eyes.

This is not just middle-aged spread, or a bit of a muffin-top. This is hard core McValue Upsize Supersize Mc Muffin Muffin Top (Royale, with Cheese)

I can no longer fit into most of my clothes, and went on a week long crying jag over Summer, when I realised that I simply HAD to buy a pair of elastic waisted pants.

Come on.. this is me.. PG.. Self-esteem Girl... the one all my friends look up to BECAUSE I REALLY DON"T CARE about my weight... crying like Tammy Fae Bakker over the numerals one and eight.

When I wear low waisted jeans I look like a warfie, or a garbo. And when I wear higher waisted work pants, I develop this weird double-bulge. Like twee English villages, I have named them Upper Pork-Gut and Lower Pube Porch.

Anapurna I and II are currently residing in my hideous new bra, fashioned by ex- Nazi industrial engineers. I refer to it as the Spandex Monster, and it makes me feel about as sexy as an outbreak of smallpox.

And the other symptom that I am noticing, is the fatter and more repulsive I get, the more I crave crap.

While the above lo fat dish is sitting in my 'fridge, I am fighting the urge to slam my face into the tub of leftover Pizza Hut Oven Baked Creamy Pasta that some pillock has left in the 'fridge.

Seriously, I had this reaction after Furry's heart attack. While he was lying in the cardiac ward, I had craving after craving for KFC. And this time, it's the same. The fatter I get, the harder it is to resist racing out and buying a Chicko Roll.

I will NOT go back to smoking. But any head way I have made, health-wise, by giving up the fags, has been eaten up by this massive and continuous and UNEXPLAINED weight gain.

I look like the love child of Jabba the Hut and Demis Roussos.

I'm on Fat Highway, heading North.

And, for the first time ever, I feel like the fat chick at the school dance.

And I am certain that everyone is looking. And sniggering.

I fucking hate it.

Fat Bottomed Girls

you're all sick to death of me harping on about my weigh gain due to giving up the fags, aren't you?

Well, here's the thing. I don't even know what "healthy weight" is any more. I've always been succulent. As an adult, my weight hovers between a AUS size 12 to a 16.. ish. It depends on the time of the day, month, year. Most of my clothes are a size 14-16. And at that range I was pretty happy. I've never subscribed to the "you can't be too thin" school of thought, and I am lucky that Furry like women with a little meat on the bone. After me, his pin-up girl is Kate Fischer.

So, what is "healthy"? How is a "normal" woman meant to find and maintain a healthy weight for her age?

I haven't even bothered looking online, as I am sure Google will provide me with 11 basquillion different answers and am equal number of online Shysters willing to sell me a product for INSTANT WEIGHT LOSS!!

Since we gave up the coffin nails, Furry and I have been extremely conscious of what we eat. In particular, I KNEW that I was going to put on some lard.. last time I gave up, I put on 17 kgs in 3 months.. got depressed at my weight gain.. took up the fags.. and discovered I was a fat smoker.

So we really REALLY have been watching what we eat. And of course, it's Summer here in OZ, so living on BBQ and salad is uber easy.

Even so, I have managed to pack on 15 kgs of pork in nearly 4 months.

Pretty frickin' impressive, eh wot?

Clothes I bought on Boxing Day are now snug.

And I freakin' HATE it. Not enough to fall back into smoking self-loathing. but nearly.

So, we're upping the exercise and cutting back on carbs, thanks to the advice of my uber luscious cousin, The Princess. And repeating our mantra "I can get rid of fat, I can't get rid of lung cancer".

So here's our latest fairly healthy recipe in our Battle of the Bulge. The key to us losing weight is taste. Both Furry and I refuse to live on a lettuce leaf and a bottle of water. When we eat, we like FLAVOUR, and this healthy salad delivers it in spades, yet has less than 16gms of fat per serve.

INGREDIENTS

1 tablespoon paprika
1 teaspoon chilli powder
1 teaspoon ground ginger
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon ground cardamom
1 teaspoon ground coriander
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 medium red onion (150g), chopped coarsely
1 clove garlic, crushed
24 uncooked medium king prawns (1kg)
1 teaspoon vegetable oil, extra
1 tablespoon lime juice (about 2 limes)
1 lime, cut into wedges

BEAN AND CORIANDER SALAD
400g green beans, halved crossways
1 cup loosely packed fresh coriander leaves
4 small vine-ripened tomatoes (120g), quartered
1 medium red onion (150g), sliced thinly
1 teaspoon coarsely grated lime rind
2 tablespoons lime juice
1 clove garlic, crushed
1 teaspoon sugar

METHOD

Blend or process spices, oil, onion and garlic until mixture forms a paste. Shell and de-vein prawns, leaving tails intact.

Make bean and coriander salad.

Heat extra oil in wok or large frying pan; stir-fry prawns, in batches, until just changed in colour.

Cook paste, stirring, in same wok about 2 minutes or until fragrant. Return prawns to wok with juice; stir-fry until prawns are heated through. Serve prawns with salad and lime wedges.

BEAN AND CORIANDER SALAD
Boil, steam or microwave beans until just tender; drain. Rinse under cold water; drain. Combine beans in medium bowl with coriander, tomato and onion. Whisk rind, juice, garlic and sugar in small jug to combine.

Pour dressing over salad; toss gently to combine.

adapted from The Womans' Weekly Lean Food Cookbook

So:

plus

equals

Big Day Out

Dromana-Styles!!!

Yes. it's Dromana's favourite festival. Australia Day. Where the Lady Lionesses man the scones and jam stall, the local CFA provides egg and bacon rolls for free, the Coast Guard turns up and lets the kids play all over the boat.



The local high school choir provides a rousing rendition of "Australians all and ostriches" and the kids get their faces painted.



While it might not be BDO, it's Dromana's BDO, and for me, it sums up everything love about being part of a small seaside town. Everyone gets in and lends a hand, the food is dodgy but free to all, the main drag (read: the pier) is cordoned off and people walk around smiling widely.



The sea really IS that blue, there are young women in hiijabs enjoying the petting zoo, Italian opa's are teaching kids how to fish from squid off the end of the pier, and the local Koori tribe has been honoured before festivities begin.



Best.. or worst of all, some poor sap is wandering around in the 37degree Celsius weather, wearing an electric yellow pig suit. Made of foam. As you do.




THIS is Australia at its best.

Win a $30 gift voucher from Menulog

My cooking, like ANY passion can sometimes wane. I am currently experiencing my annual post Ex Mousse slump. I can't bear the thought of preparing another chicken breast, pork.. even with crackle.. leaves me cold. Ham?? Don't even speak its name. Even the dogs, Stella Bella Bottom Smeller and Mrs Peaches are turning up their noses at ham.

There are just times, lets face it, when even the most passionate foodaholic just wants some dodgy Indian takeaway delivered straight to the door. It's Summer. The weather has been crap, I am sick to death of salad, and despite currently holidaying in one of the top gourmet regions of Victoria, I have a seriously jaded palate.

Berries are boring, cheese is cheesy, bread is dead, I have no achin' for bacon. Hell, even a top T-bone on the BBQ leaves me MEH.

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All you have to do is reply here, in the comments section, about how do YOU deal with a jaded palate. The answer that makes me laugh the most wins. Obviously it's only available for Australian citizens, but hell.. if you're an OS reader, drop me a line anyway. Competition closes on Wed 28th Jan 2009.

Butter Chicken

It's that time of year again... the two weeks when Furry and I have most of the kids for our annual holiday at the beach. This year we have all 5 visiting sporadically and a few extra hangers on, given that they girls are now old enough to have "boyfriends".

I have been thwarting all of Furry's attempts to buy a pickled penis. He wants to display one prominently.. on a wall.. or the mantelpiece... and nonchalantly refer to it as "What was left over after the last boy broke my daughter's heart"

What this all means is that I have no idea who and what will be available for dinner.

And the weather here in Melbourne is crap. Seriously. Crap. It's the middle of Summer and we've barely seen a day over 23C, and it's as overcast as all get out.

So we've been eating a lot of curries and stir fries. Things that can get frozen, or eaten then next day for lunch, if any of the kids get a better offer..... or can be eeked out with rice, if assorted, random friends-of-friends drop in.

In Melbourne, I have an extensive range of herbs and spices. I can whip up almost anything from a Makhani to a Vindaloo, from scratch.

At Dromana, not so much. We're only there a couple of day's a fortnight and we usually eat out, or light the pizza oven, if we're having friends, so my range of herbs and spices is pretty limited by what can be garnered at the Dromana IGA.. which is to say, not much.

For so many, being on holidays means eating out or "dumbing down" your food. Who's going to buy a block of belachan or a bottle of fish sauce just for one night's dinner? So people often resort to either a) the bare basics of mince and a bottled pasta sauce, or b) buying flavour sachet mixes to tart things up. And even food obsessives like myself sometimes would rather spend our holidays reading a dodgy novel than hand grinding curry spices.

Enter the Saucy Spice Company. I have written about them before, when I found them up at Merimbula, and while my hatred of pre-fab foods is legendary, these guys, and their products are VASTLY different from a Maggi cook-in-the-pot mix.



Butter Chicken is a staple in our house. It's quick and easy and everyone in our house likes it. And when you consider we've got 5 kids.. that in itself is a rarity.

My normal recipe is a cinch when you've got a well-stocked pantry. But here's when The Saucy Spice mixes come into their own. They are all pre-mixed and weighed, in a convenient sealed sachet. I took a bout of about 10 of them away to Chez Fur, which means we can have dishes as varied as Butter Chicken to Seafood Laksa without buying 37 different sachets of herbs. SS co don't add any nasty anti-clumping agents, or fillers, so what you are getting is the real McCoy. For their Butter chicken mix, you even get a separate sachet of fenugreek leaves!!!

The end result is as complex and rich as a Mahkani cooked "from scratch". I used yoghurt instead of cream, as I am currently competing for the "Fatest middle aged woman in Australia" title, having put on nearly 9kgs since giving up the fags.

I am too scared to go to the beach in togs this year, in case someone mistakenly calls Green Peace, or wants to wrap me in hessian and tries to keep my blowhole clear. I am reduced to furtively sneaking around the back yard in my sarong and bra, pretending to garden, in the hope of tanning, all the while listening for cries of "Mein EYES!!! Mein EYES!!!" from over the neighbours' fence. And while it's not trendy to tan, I am working on the premise that black is a slimming colour, so the darker my thighs are, the smaller they will look.

But I digress.... Get yourself online and grab a few of the Saucy Spice Company's fetching little sachets, support a wonderful Aussie business and dispel the myth that being on holiday means you have to dumb your food down, or rely on nasty Maggi cheesey potato bake sachets. And while ANY flavour sachet will never match fresh herbs, the Saucy Spice guys come pretty bloody close. 'Cause on my holidays, sometimes it IS all about convenience.

Rosemary Cashews.

I first made these late last year, for a Ex Moose get-together with friends. I don't usually make a new recipe... sight un-tasted, if you will, for friends, but this was so quick and easy, I couldn't resist it.

It proved and enormous hit.. but here's the thing.

I don't like them.

The flavour profile just isn't my thang, but every other person I've served them to pretty much swoons over them.

I am pretty sure I got the recipe off Chowhound, when all the Yanks were posting Thanksgiving recipes, but it is originally an Ina Garten a.k.a Barefoot Contessa recipe, inspired by the bar nuts served at Union Square Cafe in New York City .

Her original recipe is here.

Here's what I did:

650g unsalted roasted cashews.
2 tablespoons fresh finely minced rosemary
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper or sweet paprika
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 tablespoon rock salt
1 tablespoon melted unsalted butter.

Whack the cashews in a serving dish. Whizz all the dry ingredients in a blender/pulser/stick blender for about 10 seconds to roughly combine.

Pour over nuts.

Melt butter in microwave and pour over nuts. Stir to combine.

I make mine the day before I need them, and refrigerate. A quick couple of minutes in the microwave to warm them and voile.. world's easiest and (for everyone but me) yummiest snack.